All that sparkles isn't gold

Ever since reading the unbelievable story of Arron Large, the drain technician from Essex, who found no less than two Rolexes over the space of a week, I have decided to keep my eyes firmly fixed to the floor, in the hope that I too will come across an 18-Carat Gold Oyster Perpetual. I don’t usually make a habit of hanging around drains, but I have to admit that since this story broke, I have spent an ever-increasing amount of time examining curbs and grates. Being an unemployed bag, I could do with a £21,000 input from a lucky find. The closest I have come recently is finding a 20 pence piece on the floor of the Xcite Centre in Milton Keynes. (Anyone who believes this 20 pence piece to be theirs should contact Blue – ‘only honest people need apply’)

                Further to this account, I was amazed to read that a builder in Germany recently found a secret stash of gold bullion and silver worth around £100,000, hidden in a black bin liner under the cupboards of the kitchen he was fitting. I can only hope that luck in finding gold is not solely restricted to the manual industries. Fortunately, much more can be classed as gold these days; the blurry, amateur videos that become Internet sensations, an irritatingly catchy song, a well-written blog. I do have to admit that, finding two Rolexes would potentially put me in a state of anxiety; such is my sceptical nature and knowledge of Crime Thrillers. I wonder whether Mr. Large checked the times on the watches when he found them; you only have to read ‘Poirot: The Clocks’ to know that a similarity in time would be serious cause for suspicion. My reaction would probably be more in line with Wayne Sabaj, an unemployed carpenter in Illinois, who found bags containing $150,000 dollars in amongst his broccoli patch. He simply remarked to his father, 'now we're in trouble’; a reaction that clearly shows a sensible understanding of Crime fiction.

                This is all seemingly irrelevant, apart from the fact that, at the end of my second week in my new role I am already fretting about the possibility of once again having nothing to do. The cuts in the industry have guaranteed that my place at this publication will not last longer than what was initially planned. I know that gold comes in many forms, whether that be a Rolex, gold bullion or a job; so if you should see me fishing about in drains, you’ll know that it’s not because I have reached rock bottom, I am simply searching for an opportunity!