The benefits of scrap paper

As I promised, and a bit later than planned for numerous reasons that I would prefer not to talk about, here is my interview with a paper bag. You have no idea how difficult getting this interview was. I first interviewed the bag in question five days ago, but have had an embargo on printing what was said. The paper bag has asked that I don’t identify her in print, as she is worried that this may prevent her from returning to employment. Frankly I find this a likely outcome anyway, but you can judge for yourselves.

Blue: So ‘PB’ why do you think you are better than a plastic bag, such as myself?

PB: I don’t think this! I just believe that different bags are better at different things.

Blue: Can you give me an example?

PB: Sure! I look nicer than you so I tend to be used in classy retail outlets.

Blue: That’s a bit rude. Why does it matter what a bag looks like?

PB: We represent the company we work for when we are being carried through town; therefore we have to look our best at all times. We also come in a variety of sizes and can be reused to show off where people have been shopping

Blue: Aren’t you worried that your job is dependent on your looks? What if you begin to crease?

PB: It is a worry, you Plasdicks tend to spring back into shape, whereas once I have been folded, I generally stay folded.

Blue: Did you say Plastics or Plasdicks?

PB: Plasdicks! It’s what paper bags call plastic bags collectively.

Blue: You’re not doing much to enhance your reputation amongst plastic bags!

PB: I don’t need to enhance my reputation, my reputation is written across my body, it goes before me, with me, and lives on in peoples’ minds when I pass them. The only time I have to mix with Plasdicks is at sale time and even then you aren’t trusted to carry the best items in store!

Blue: Why do you think this is?

PB:   Like I said before, it’s simply a matter of presentation. And there’s the added benefit to my company that I am completely recyclable. In this day and age going ‘green’ is everything.

Blue: Doesn’t that scare you, the idea of being recycled?

PB: Not as much as the potential of disintegrating through lack of use like you will do!

Blue: Excuse me? I work hard every day to give a voice to plastic bags around the globe, as far as I am aware, there isn’t anyone doing the same for paper bags!

PB: How far have you got?

Blue: London.

PB: Not far then!

At this point readers, I had to break off the interview as the recycling men had arrived and PB was taken away to be transformed into pulp and returned to the earth, or transformed into some other commodity. I have to say that I felt a bit bad for PB, despite her insults. She could have made a very useful bit of scrap paper for writing notes on! There is definitely something to be said to going ‘green’ but I hope to promote the blue cause. Blue bags may not all be recyclable, but if you reuse us again and again you will help to save the environment by discouraging over production. Therefore don’t go green, go blue!