Operation: Complete success

For those of you that have been waiting for news regarding my operation I am happy to report that it has been a success. My split has been fixed and I will be able to see the results in a week when my plasters are removed. I had a quick look in the mirror this morning expecting to see a different bag altogether, but apart from some minor eye adjustments (which I was told were necessary) I look exactly the same.

The one problem is that I can no longer continue in the role I was born to perform. I can't rely on my basic instincts and natural strength to carry objects, nor can I successfully fold myself away at the end of the day, as the procedure has left me feeling brittle. The universe has indeed dealt me a bitter blow. However, my week at a National Broadsheet begins tomorrow so maybe I will be able to reinvent myself as a writer and intellectual.

Whilst recuperating, I had a visit from two of my oldest friends who I first met when we were folded up together in a cotton bag-holder in a domestic kitchen; Tex and Homey B. The first thing Homey B said when he saw me was that it was unfortunate that the surgery had done nothing to improve my appearance: he pointed out a few extra creases that have been deepening over the last few weeks. I would have been insulted had I not known that he was joking!

 Tex and Homey B both used to have successful careers as branded plastic bags, until they were suddenly made redundant after only one session of carrying goods. They were then forced to wait for the day when they would re-emerge from the bottom of the bag-holder; to wrap freezer goods or carry school books. They know better than I, how it feels to be left on the shelf (In Tex’s case; a freezer shelf at -18 degrees, protecting hot cross buns ).

If this accident has taught me anything, it is to seize the day whilst you can and never, never complain of having a splitting headache. That is, until you have had one like mine!