National Convention of Blue Bags

Blue the blue bag and Bluer at the National Convention of Blue Bags

So the National Convention of Blue bags went off with a bang last week. Actually it was more like an explosion, when one clever know-it-all filled himself with air. You could just tell that everyone there wanted to do what Bluer did; it was just lucky that he happened to be carrying a pin around with him. The security bags were not impressed, particularly as we had all been scanned on our way in; they just couldn’t acknowledge that their equipment had simply failed to pick up the pin. In the end, they made us all leave the convention and come back in to retest the equipment. Needless to say they didn’t pick up any hazardous weapons, explosives, or flammable liquids second time round either. I could have told them they wouldn’t; you only have to look at us to see that the majority of blue bags are decent law abiding bags. And I don’t mean that in the naive sense; you really do only have to look at us, as most of us are, to a greater or lesser extent, transparent. Luckily they let Bluer off, no doubt helped by my vote of confidence in him. Apparently he hadn’t noticed he had the pin until Azure had started to blow himself up. As he moved out of Azure’s way, he felt a tiny pin prick and realised that one of the pins from the sewing kit he had been carrying, must have fallen out. It could have happened to any bag.

But why you ask,did security care about what I had to say? Well, believe it or not, I have become a well known face in blue bag circles. My opinions and beliefs are now well respected and I was approached by no end of blue bags who told me I had inspired them to search for something better in life. I felt truly honoured, especially when I was mentioned in the keynote speech by Veteran Blue (incidentally, the bag I named myself after). A true pioneer amongst bags,Veteran Blue started life in a greengrocers and since then has been campaigning for universal use of blue bags in all retail outlets.  With so many unemployed blue bags,it is a difficult time to be entering the jobs market. So many purchases are being made online these days, thus reducing the need for conventional bags.

Unfortunately I didn’t get many good pictures of the convention as no cameras were allowed inside. I was told this was to minimise the press photography. Luckily I haven’t seen anything in the news about Bluer’s pin incident, so we seem to have escaped any scandal. But I did manage to get a picture with Bluer as we left the convention. I hope to see more of him in the future, he seems like my kind of bag.

Furthermore, as you have probably noticed, I have taken my plasters off. The National Convention gave me the courage to face the world as I am! And actually I don't think I look that bad!

The 2012 "eight hardbacks" catagory

Only the strongest bags can take on the "eight hardback" catagory in weight lifting.

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that a good bag, in possession of strong handles, must be in want of a load.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for Blue the blue bag, who last Saturday failed to achieve a medal position at the Games. It was heart breaking; I have only just recovered myself. After all the expectation that Great British bags had placed on their blue representative, Blue the blue bag came a disappointing fourth place- his seams giving way as he attempted the “eight hardbacks” category. Obviously the pressure was too great, both literally and figuratively. But I don't blame Blue for failing; you can tell by the picture of me, that the "eight hardbacks" catagory is pretty immense!

Once again, I feel I should point out at this point that the Blue who took part in the Olympics is not myself! Many blue bags are called Blue; not unlike the Smiths of the human world.

Happily, despite Blue's disappointment, Great Britain is currently sitting in third place on the medals table, behind China and the USA, with France in seventh place. I mention France in particular as it was their results that I texted to Pierre today. Apparently he isn’t watching the Olympic Games; he says he is a free-spirited bohemian who doesn't agree with with organised group activity, except in the name of art. I don’t know why this means he can’t watch the Games, but I could tell he was gutted that we are doing so well. However artistic he likes to think he is, deep down he’s still the same old brush I’ve known since I left my market stall days behind me, many moons ago.

So the Olympics are drawing to a close; making way for the Paralympics. Another two weeks of quality television in a few weeks from now. Although I have to admit that I have enjoyed interspersing my viewing with other more relaxing television, such as the Hairy Bikers.

This weekend I am looking forward to the National Convention of Blue Bags. This is usually held on the first Saturday of August but was pushed back this year, due to the Olympics. It’s going to be epic; a chance to catch up with bags like myself. Roll on Saturday!

London 2012 Olympics: Glued to the television

BBC Olympic coverage of the Olympics has been great

The London 2012 Olympics are here, which means, as predicted, all hell has broken loose on the London underground system... or maybe not. I ask you, when does anything happen that has been officially predicted? My first morning into work – and before you ask, it’s not a full time paid position, just a couple of weeks freelance – was the quietest I have ever seen the capital, especially at peak commuter times. I virtually had the whole train to myself and made the most of this by spreading myself out over one seat (normally I have to content myself with the bag rack or someone’s lap). But then maybe it was down to careful planning and scare mongering that led to this situation, so I shall be forever thankful to the posters around London that told us to expect ‘up to one million extra visitors per day’. Clearly they did their job well.

This is more than can be said for me. I have to apologise for my lack of posts recently. The trouble with spending an entire day trying to spin out entertaining, witty, sparkling copy is that by the evening I’m all dried up and can think of nothing to write about apart from the empty trains and how splendid the weather is. I would write about the Olympics,  but I am sure you have read all you need to know on other sites. If not I suggest you catch up here!

One way or another I am sure you are all looking forward to the much anticipated weight lifting finals, where the Great British team will be represented by Blue the blue bag (not me, but a fellow blue bag). And before you ask, I am talking about the bag Olympics, where Blue the blue bag is our best hope in the weight lifting final this evening. An event I do not expect to be televised. More’s the pity. I will be sure to let you know how it goes. But until then... I really should tell you about how relaxed the train journey into work was, and what splendid weather we are having!  

Read more on the difficulties of being named Blue the blue bag.