The benefits of scrap paper

As I promised, and a bit later than planned for numerous reasons that I would prefer not to talk about, here is my interview with a paper bag. You have no idea how difficult getting this interview was. I first interviewed the bag in question five days ago, but have had an embargo on printing what was said. The paper bag has asked that I don’t identify her in print, as she is worried that this may prevent her from returning to employment. Frankly I find this a likely outcome anyway, but you can judge for yourselves.

Blue: So ‘PB’ why do you think you are better than a plastic bag, such as myself?

PB: I don’t think this! I just believe that different bags are better at different things.

Blue: Can you give me an example?

PB: Sure! I look nicer than you so I tend to be used in classy retail outlets.

Blue: That’s a bit rude. Why does it matter what a bag looks like?

PB: We represent the company we work for when we are being carried through town; therefore we have to look our best at all times. We also come in a variety of sizes and can be reused to show off where people have been shopping

Blue: Aren’t you worried that your job is dependent on your looks? What if you begin to crease?

PB: It is a worry, you Plasdicks tend to spring back into shape, whereas once I have been folded, I generally stay folded.

Blue: Did you say Plastics or Plasdicks?

PB: Plasdicks! It’s what paper bags call plastic bags collectively.

Blue: You’re not doing much to enhance your reputation amongst plastic bags!

PB: I don’t need to enhance my reputation, my reputation is written across my body, it goes before me, with me, and lives on in peoples’ minds when I pass them. The only time I have to mix with Plasdicks is at sale time and even then you aren’t trusted to carry the best items in store!

Blue: Why do you think this is?

PB:   Like I said before, it’s simply a matter of presentation. And there’s the added benefit to my company that I am completely recyclable. In this day and age going ‘green’ is everything.

Blue: Doesn’t that scare you, the idea of being recycled?

PB: Not as much as the potential of disintegrating through lack of use like you will do!

Blue: Excuse me? I work hard every day to give a voice to plastic bags around the globe, as far as I am aware, there isn’t anyone doing the same for paper bags!

PB: How far have you got?

Blue: London.

PB: Not far then!

At this point readers, I had to break off the interview as the recycling men had arrived and PB was taken away to be transformed into pulp and returned to the earth, or transformed into some other commodity. I have to say that I felt a bit bad for PB, despite her insults. She could have made a very useful bit of scrap paper for writing notes on! There is definitely something to be said to going ‘green’ but I hope to promote the blue cause. Blue bags may not all be recyclable, but if you reuse us again and again you will help to save the environment by discouraging over production. Therefore don’t go green, go blue!

BLUE saw U - Take 6

What an amazing week in terms of meeting other blue bags. There were loads about in London. So many in fact, I began to wonder if the National Convention of Blue Bags was drawing near. Every road I went down seemed to have blue bags happily going about their business. Like this guy, enjoying the sun today in Russell Square Gardens, which just so happens to be one of my favourite places to hang out.

If you are ever nearby, I recommend the Cafe in the Garden on a nice day, and there is the Brunswick shopping centre just round the corner as well. Although, if you floated too far up the Brunswick you may run into a Waitrose bag before too long. Now I am not one to judge, but as bags go, they are a snobby bunch. There is an air of bitterness about them as well, a feeling I have encountered time and again amongst my friends who work in retail. Sadly, plastic bags are no longer the preferred mode of carrying purchases. At supermarkets there is the option of buying a bag for life. (For those of you who are unsure about what a bag for life is – it is a plastic bag with handles that regular plastic bags can only dream of having). Also in most retail outlets, paper bags are now preferred, with more upmarket retail shops preferring elaborately decorated, card bags. These lucky bags can expect to be used many times after the initial purchase. These are middle class bags!

What? You ask. Class? You ask. Despite our cosmopolitan society, bags indeed have class. I was created for use on a Market stand, and from that initial purchase, didn’t ever expect to be used again. If I was lucky I might have been used to pick up dog poo; a fate that so many of my friends have endured. Luckily I was employed for greater purpose and I am now one of the few bags who have broken away from my working class roots. Not that I am ashamed about where I came from, it’s just bags can all too easily slip through the system and end up like these forgotten souls, sprawled across the green at Euston Station.

Unfortunately, it is these layabouts that give the rest of us bags a bad name...rubbish!    

However, it is the paper usurpers that really make me angry. So often good plastic bags have been replaced by a paper counterpart, only to be brought out from the store room during the sales! The indignity! Keep an eye out for an interview I have lined up with one of these paper bags. Let it never be said that Blue the blue bag doesn’t give all bags a voice!

N.b The National Convention of Blue Bags is actually held on the first Saturday in August

Red, white and Blue at the Diamond Jubilee

A diamond day indeed! After a complete wash out at the Apple Cart festival on Sunday, I was fully prepared for an equally dismal day for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee Concert. However I couldn’t have been more wrong; the skies were clear and glowing! As Rolf Harris put it, ‘look what wishful thinking gets you.’ I have to say the whole event gave me a new outlook on life; last night I was proud to be British. So from now on I will be the bag I want to be, rather than the bag I currently am. I will challenge myself, I will carry heavy loads, I will scrunch as small as possible, and I won’t mind if I am occasionally used for carrying dirty shoes. In short, I will seize every opportunity that comes my way.

The Concert was spectacular, at least it looked spectacular from what was televised, with a great line-up including: Alfie Boe, Elton John, Paul McCartney, Will-i-am, Grace Jones, Tom Jones, Shirley Bassey and Gary Barlow and the Commonwealth Band who sung ‘Sing’, a special Diamond Jubilee song.  Despite not being there, you could feel the atmosphere from the Mall.  However, to get a proper taste of the event, I spoke to Homey B who was there:

Blue the blue bag: So what was the concert like?

Homey B: Good

Blue the blue bag: Who was your favourite performer?

Homey B: Elton John

Blue the blue bag: Do you think the Queen enjoyed herself?

Homey B: Don’t know

Blue the blue bag: Do you think the Queen is still relevant in this day and age and do you agree with the amount spent on an occasion such as this, when so many bags are struggling in this tough economic climate?

Homey B: It doesn’t bother me really, I was only there to waterproof a Canon camera lens.

 As you can see, despite being difficult to interview, I think Homey B really gives us a flavour of atmosphere on the Mall. Unfortunately he declined having his picture taken with me, he said he couldn’t chance having his image splashed over the Internet again. I thought it best not to ask why!

Blue at the Royal Academy of Arts

This week, in an attempt to continue my cultural education, I attended the 244^th Summer Exhibition at the Royal Academy of Arts. An open exhibition that aims to showcase young artists alongside established ones. This year the exhibition had 12,000 entries of which only the best were selected for the show. I have to say I was disappointed that I had not entered myself, judging by some of the entries, but I fully intend to try next year. To fill the gap, I have decided to try my luck at the Vision and Reality open Art Exhibition at Norwich Castle. I confess that I thought briefly about talking to Pierre to find out if anyone he knew had entered, but then I remembered our argument and decided against it; he’s clearly an idiot.

The exhibition space itself was stunning, taking over the main galleries in the Royal Academy, and expertly curated by Tess Jaray RA. Obviously the art itself was a mixed bag, not literally of course, it's mostly painting, print and sculpture, wholly lacking in bags. However, I have found there is little point in discussing taste, since we are fortunately all so very different. One man’s masterpiece is another man’s rubbish.

The first room you enter, the Red Studio, pays homage to Matisse and includes some vibrant abstract pieces by celebrated Royal Academy artist John Hoyland who died this year. The second room has been dedicated to smaller pieces and contains over 450 works arranged in a viewer friendly curve: an installation in itself. Particular favourites in this room included Valerie McLean's Figure I and Drinking Water by The Baron, a stunning oil and acrylic mix of watery light and darkness. This room also contains pieces from young Afghanistani artists, which Tess was particularly proud to be exhibiting; she said ‘it’s a most marvellous thing, a celebration of life amidst all that horror.’ If you get a chance to check it out, I would highly recommend it. Some of the smaller pieces are very reasonably priced, so perfect for burgeoning art collectors. 

Unfortunately by mid-week the weather seemed to be turning, a fairly strong wind made it almost impossible for me to get a decent picture of myself, as you can see from the results below! On a lighter note, I am hoping to pick up a few weeks freelance carrying soon, as I have recently found that I am now able to carry light loads. Great news!

Royal Academy Summer Exhibition

June 4 – August 12 2012

Adult ticket £11.50, Student ticket £8.50 and under 7’s go free

http://www.royalacademy.org.uk/